I have been asking myself the following question these last couple of days: “Am I a control freak?!”  What’s caused the asking?  I see my oldest boy in front of me at 4 and a half and I think, gosh, how could I send this boy off to school in just a few months time?  How could I let him go?  It feels like he still needs me around and I feel like I still need him close to me.  He is so little still, so innocent, so needy of me and needy of being in his home environment.  He still sometimes gets upset when I leave him with his at-home child-carer for just half a day.  So I see him feeling sensitive, fragile and apprehensive.   And I hear him too.  I hear him saying “I don’t want you to go”, “I love being with you”.  But have I created this neediness?  Have I given him such a ‘great’ start in life where I responded to his needs, such that he feels too comfortable here?  Is it ok to be too comfortable?  What’s wrong with that?  Or am I just a control freak?!  Holding on and not letting go.  And so the cycle of thoughts goes on.

The conclusion to my pondering revealed itself one day when I started reflecting on where he is at on his journey right now:

My son asks a lot of questions, so I decided to start tracking them a few months ago.  When I hear a new question from him then I write it down in a journal.  Here is a flavour of what he asks:

How are the mountains made?

Who lived before dinosaurs?

How do your eyes see?

Does the sun have eyes?

Why do Vikings have hats with horns?

What does the inside of a horse look like?

When did the world start?

Why can’t cars fly?

I have such a connection with this boy that he feels happy and free to ask such amazingly rich and wonderous questions.  Why would I risk breaking that by sending him away to school for 6 hours a day 5 days a week.  We haven’t been apart for more than 6 hours even on 1 day a week.  I think I would freak out being apart from him for 5 days a week.  And then I read Dr Neufeld’s words in the latest edition of TNP:

“The first issue is always to establish strong, deep and emotional connections to those who are raising you.  And that should be our emphasis in society.  If we did this, we would send our children to school late, not early.”[1]

So for now, what feels right for me, my son and the rest of our family, is to just stay home and continue doing what we have always been doing: providing a space for play, an environment of love, guidance and nurturing and a rhythm that cultivates connection, physical well-being and meaning.  I need to simply trust that what I am feeling and what my son is feeling is all ok right now and that the journey of him transitioning towards the outside world will unfold at just the right time.

We hear that all the time but it’s so true.  Our attitude is the foundation of our failure or our success.  The power of attitude is really apparent –  when a person’s attitude shifts, everything in that person’s world shifts too.  If it shifts in a negative direction, the person’s entire life shifts in that direction. When it shifts in a positive direction, life improves for the person.

The truth is that everything has good in it and everything has bad in it if you look hard enough.

We always have the choice as to how we view it – a blessing or a curse.  Even in the worst circumstances, we have the ability to choose whether we see the “good” or the “bad”. Whatever you look for is going to dictate your attitude.

The Chinese use two symbols to write the word “crisis”.  One symbol stands for danger, the other for opportunity.  In a crisis, you need to be aware of the danger, but also recognise the opportunity.

Excellent advice – don’t shy away from a crisis. Glean from it what you need to learn and move on.

Your attitude is your compass.  To achieve anything in life, you need skills and talent but it doesn’t matter how talented you are, if your attitude is bad, you will get bad results.

As Thomas Jefferson said, “Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal. Nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude.” Giving serious attention to your attitude can change your results faster and more dramatically than anything else.

“Among other things, crises represent opportunities to grow in wisdom. When you approach each crisis with this attitude, you will pluck the opportunity out of each situation and benefit from it.  This attitude also sets the stage mentally for you to continue to grow.”   Richard Nixon

For more information, please see www.smallfortunes.co.nz

Now I’m a mother, I’m at the mercy of a different kind of ghost pain.

Nearly every day I get guilty feelings that cannot compare to any other emotion. The sensation comes from deep inside me. It happens when I leave my daughter to tutor writing students, it happens when I check emails when we’re at the park, and it happens when she falls or hurts herself and I was there but distracted.

Sometimes I look at other mothers and fathers that seem so confident about their decisions and I feel jealous. I just don’t know how to get that quiet assurance; I might feel it for a second but then it seems to slip quickly through my fingers.

It doesn’t help that the word guilt shares its home with criminals. In fact I wouldn’t be surprised if a mother’s guilt about taking the morning off to go the hairdressers actually surpasses some people’s regret at having assaulted someone.

Sometimes it feels as if you just can’t win. If you work full time you feel guilty that you’re not at home more; if you stay at home you feel guilty that you’re not contributing to the family income or furthering your career; and if you work part-time and stay at home the rest of the time you feel as though you’re not doing either job well.

Because it’s the absence that causes ghost pain; previous selves removed like organs; identity, career, independence; the missing of something that used to be part of you. Though, most of my guilt is focussed on my beautiful baby and not on my former life. So maybe the original ghost pain comes from the absence of that little body that was once inside me. When I put my hand on my stomach I remember the joy, the little flutter inside me, the constant company. Maybe the guilt I often feel about leaving her stems from the tingle of that absence. The ghost pain of pregnancy.

As I type this to you I realise that it is not just the absence of pre-existing things that creates my guilt, but the fear of absence itself. Fear my daughter might ever feel as though I have been absent in any way.

To reduce my guilt I tried to find another word for it. No luck…I could only find synonyms like disgrace, fault and error. I wanted to try and find another word that didn’t have so much shame attached to it.

But, if guilt is in some ways linked with absence, maybe another alternate word can be found. Another word for absence is wanting. Maybe instead of saying or thinking ‘I feel guilty’ I can say or think ‘I feel wanting’. Because what could be criminal about that?

Read more from Megan and join the mother ode page here

Mother Ode Blog

Have you heard of the term Diastasis Recti (DR)?
DR is Abdominal Muscle Separation and I am going to talk about the DR that happens during and post pregnancy.

Your abdominal muscles can separate during pregnancy, they do not split in two. The separation of the muscles occurs due to the force of your uterus pushing upwards and outwards. Separation can start to occur from 30 weeks but DR can happen much sooner than that in fact as early as 10 weeks!

Premature separation of the abdominal muscles happens if you do the wrong exercise, have poor posture or have not closed your gap (separation) before a subsequent pregnancy. It is best to reduce separation during pregnancy by doing the right exercise and avoiding extra pregnancy weight gain.

It is very common to have a separation and be none the wiser for it you can go for months even years, as you may not suffer any back pain or incontinence but if you are spending hours at the gym, cutting out many foods from your diet and your pooch is still there then you probably have a Diastasis and you may have made it worse than what it was after you had your baby!

The good thing is, is that it can be fixed and I can help you. I have helped thousands of women re-gain their abdominal strength and get back their post pregnancy stomach!

You may have a diastasis if you:-

• Can’t get rid of your tummy no matter what you do
• Have cut out foods from your diet and it has made no difference
• Have tried different training methods
• Have a pelvic floor muscle dysfunction
• Have lower back problems

No More Mummy Tummy

You will not get rid of your ‘Mummy Tummy’ if you are doing crunches, frontal planks, push ups or Pilates 100′s Pre or Post pregnancy. In fact you are going to make your mummy tummy much worse!

If you are doing these exercises you need to stop now! This will be the first step in helping you heal your weak abdominal muscles.

Poor posture, holding and carrying babies incorrectly also increases your ‘Mummy Tummy’ and reduces a diastasis from healing post the birth of your baby. Have a look at this video and change how you lift and hold your baby’s during the day: http://positivelypregnant-mummytrainer.blogspot.co.nz/2012/11/how-to-carry-baby-post-pregnancy.html

You may be more than 3 years post birth and still have your tummy, don’t worry by following what I suggest and if you make changes you can still fix your diastasis.

What You Need to do
Once you have stopped doing the wrong exercises you now should focus on doing the right exercises!

You need to go back to basics and re-program your brain to use the weaker muscles and this is not as easy as it sounds those muscles may have been asleep for more than 12 months!

I have put together this playlist of videos for you. It does take time, you need to commit and focus on  rehabilitating your weak core muscles but it need only take 15 minutes a day.

*If you have had a ‘C’ section it generally takes longer to heal The muscles are separated further during the operation and it is much harder to activate weakened core muscles after surgery when you are still sore and recovering.

The ‘No More Mummy Tummy’ Video Guide:

Diastasis Recti Test- Check to see if you have separation: http://youtu.be/ySBaouIVjEE

Activate your Transverse abdominus (TVA): The first muscle to engage post birth http://youtu.be/s_CuYc3T1Kk

Exercises to do: http://youtu.be/jwE7pzHbICw

Please comment if you have any questions or need further advice. have a look at my website and blog for further information on heeling Diastasis.

If you feel any pain or discomfort whilst exercising, stop. If pain continues consult you L.M.C or G.P. The information included in this article has been written by Lorraine Scapens: She is not able to provide you with medical advice, information is used as guide. You cannot hold Lorraine liable in any way for any injuries that may occur whilst training. 

Gorgeous Pointelle Gift Set – Wrap Coverall, Beanie and Bib. www.tinyturtles.co.nz

Recently I inflicted on my 2 and a half year old son what could potentially have been the most traumatic experience of his young life; I had another baby.

However, despite what some Dr Phil episodes (not to mention Mummy gossip) would have had me believe, he didn’t develop a split personality or retreat to the dark corners of our home mumbling sinisterly, he instead embraced his sister’s appearance. A naturally affectionate and sweet boy, my toddler has helped me to truly understand the meaning of “kill with kindness”. His love for his baby sister was immediate and, if left to his own devises, I have no doubt he would have loved her to death. Cuddles became strangle holds, kisses became accidental head butts and “tickles” came menacingly close to bubs wee eyes. Of course I encourage his love but also try and curb his enthusiasm with thinly disguised directions in the form of “bubba loves it when you talk really softly to her” or “bubba loves it when you go outside and play for a long time (What? To much?)”.

I do try and be really positive in my toddlers interactions with his sister, praising him when he is gentle with her and answering his questions as fully and positively as possible. It does however throw a bit of a spanner in the works when asked some curly questions not covered in the variety of parental books littering my home. For example the ever popular “Is there another baby in your tummy? (No sweetheart that’s just mummy’s fat tummy) or “Can I have some chocolate milk like bubba?” (Said while passing a cup to me while I breastfeed). I also wasn’t quite sure of the P.C answer when asked “bubba has a cute little bum hey mum? (ummmmm yes?)”.

Never a dull moment in our household I have also decided that now bubs is 6 weeks old, it would be a good time to toilet train Mr 2. This decision may have been brought on by sleep deprived madness and it remains to be seen how this goes, but in the meantime I have a toddler who wears underwear on his head and has become increasingly obsessed with telling everyone who exists the toilet to “wash your hands!”

Being a full time stay home mum to two little people is truly an incredible experience. On one hand it is a blessing, having a sweet girl and boy who are both healthy and (yes I am biased) completely beautiful; on the other hand it is exhausting, like my eyes might fall out my head, smearing butter on my hands instead of hand cream (actually happened) exhausting. Thing is (and here comes the soppy part) I really truly honestly and completely would not trade my children for anything (Well maybe for a goods nights sleep. Just kidding).

Deborah Johanson is a nurse and mother, and lives with her husband and their two children on Auckland’s North Shore. Deborah shares her Maternal Journals with TNP in association with Tiny Turtles.

What a sad state of health we are creating for our children.

There are as many poor attitudes towards sugar (lollies, sweets, treats) and childhood as what there are junk food options in the supermarket.

I see it all the time. Family can be the worst (no offence family – I love you….but) “sugar” represents memories, moments, emotions and happiness to people because it is wrongly (or not always consciously) used to gratify “occasions”.

It is used to celebrate winners, to compliment competitions, to share in the moment because that is what being an uncle/aunt/grandparent does. We spoil our children with sugar. We reward them by offering them sweets or junk food in a bid to win their affections. And kids dig it. Why wouldn’t they?

But it changes them, it affects their neurophysiology, it inflames their gut lining, promotes disease and infection, and most importantly ‘sugar’ saturates their taste receptors leaving children desiring more and more of the sweet stuff and less inclined to taste and appreciate ‘real’ food. That is the trap!

I hear it often. I see it all the time.

And you know what? The kids are not to blame. Grown ups are. Especially when children are young, too young to make their food choices yet.

I am not a purist. My kids eat sugar too. But I do not use it as an emotional reward. The greatest gift to your children is your affection, love and attention. Then comes the other stuff. Sugar Free.

I have chosen to walk a road of wellbeing with my children. I choose to arm them with a food consciousness that will enable them to resist the lure of processed garbage that food manufacturers are selling for profit. More than that, I want them to taste food. Real food. I want them to appreciate the benefits of good food and why it is important to them. I encourage them to connect the food they eat with how their body grows. How it moves; runs and how they feel on the inside. In fact it is a conversation we have most nights at our dinner table. I do not hound my children to eat their vegetables. I speak of where the vegetable has come from, and that the Earth has made it. I speak of how it may help their skeletons to grow strong, their feet to run faster and their brains to learn how to read and write great stories one day. My role is to inspire their imagination and respect for that kind of food. Healthy food.

It is about attitude too. Healthy attitudes. And if I know one thing it is this: Children mimic our Attitudes – about almost everything, but especially food. If you want your child to love good food, then start eating it, and don’t just eat it, savour it! Visually enjoy it. They will want some too.

One of my most successful tips for introducing a new food to a toddler is simple:

Wait Till They Are Hungry.

You know yourself, that if you have been snacking all afternoon, dinner will not taste too great.

Now imagine being busy all afternoon and coming home to the most delicious new meal that smells great and looks mouth-watering. Even better everyone at the table enjoying it too.

Talk with them about the flavours, tastes and about how it was cooked and grown. Kids. Dig. It.

If grown ups choose to feed their children processed, sugar laden, treats often enough it is all that child will desire and taste. Our collective physiology is changing right now. We are less physical and much more overweight. We are creating whole new disease syndromes in our bodies by the way we eat, when we eat, how often, and why. These are nutritional diseases of the 21st Century. We can change this. And it starts with us. You. Your children. In children’s lunch boxes. Their treats. Their rewards. Their emotional needs and how they are met.

Then there are the sports sponsorships. Imagine my grief when I saw that McDonald’s was sponsoring my son’s Under 6 soccer team with free Happy Meal vouchers. But that’s another story, for another day……….

Melanie Robinson is a Naturopath and a mother to 2 little boys. Follow her on www.facebook.com/earthbirthbeyond

I mostly travel alone and I’ve found that solitude’s rewards are the ability to think critically and to process clearly.

I failed to realize it in the beginning because I’d been on a single path for so long a time; but this is characteristic of my journey and of everyone’s.

There may pass months or years or an entire decade of life when it seems we’ve made scant progress…we wake up every day and are surrounded by the same feelings and faces and places as the previous day and many before it.

I was there once and for all the sameness I was unaware that I am on a journey.  As I carried on and began to encounter travelers like myself, and as I started to come up to some of those who’d started on their paths before me, it became apparent – I am on a journey.

I don’t have a map.  I don’t know what lies ahead of me.  Each road I take winds seemingly endlessly; I’ve been frightened, confused, exhausted, alone, ready to quit.

All I can do is to take it day by day.  Wake up each morning prepared to face the unknown, confident that I’ve equipped myself well enough for what lies ahead.  Thus far I’m very proud of the adventurer I’ve shown myself to be.

And then –

There are the others.  The ones who are ahead of me on the journey, the ones who have identified the paths they should take.  They walk so tall, so assuredly.  Their voices boom when they speak and they lock eyes with me.  They teach me about their paths, their journeys.

Many of them attempt to show me what lies ahead.  I am grateful for this, but at times it can be overwhelming.

See, where I am on my journey there’s mostly desert.  I find my own water sources and protection from the sun.  I rest when I need to but often, by day’s end, I am spent and sweaty and once in a while, a bit discouraged.

One day as I stumbled along my path bent over with fatigue, one of the folk who’ve already found their way found it in their heart to turn back from their path.  They came to where I was and smiled at me.  I was relieved.

Here is someone who is doing what I wish I could do, and they have taken time from their quest to stop and assist me.

She approached me and we spoke about our adventures.  Our lives contrasted in various ways but then we also had a lot in common.  It was wonderful.  We rested and chatted and she told me about her journey, about what she’d faced and braved and what she’d learned.  Much of it was what I’d been learning on my own journey, and I appreciated talking to her about it because she had a better understanding of much of what I’d only recently begun to comprehend.

As the sun set I knew I had to continue on.  The woman stood to leave and she smiled, and I thought that was the end of our meeting.  Before she left though, she presented a gift to me.

“For you,” she said firmly.  “You’ll need this life raft as you continue on your journey.  There’s a vast ocean up ahead, maybe not for miles, you won’t even be able to see it until you’ve walked for much longer, but I want you to be prepared.”

I thanked her for the gift and watched as she walked away.  I looked at the raft.  It was bulky and would be awkward to carry along with me.  I surveyed my surroundings: only sand and sun for miles and miles.  I grabbed a rope that had been tied to the raft and secured it around my waist.  I gathered my own supplies and started back toward my path.

Initially I was grateful that this woman had deemed me worthy of having such a tool shared with me.  I imagined the ocean, the way I’d taste the salt as I drew nearer to it, the boom of the waves as they collided into one another repeatedly, the cool of the water against my ankles as I stood ashore and lost my troubles watching the tide.  I was excited.

After a few days though, I knew I wouldn’t be able to continue much longer with the raft…it was dragging me down.

It was a gift though, and I felt I shouldn’t or couldn’t let go of it.  I was braver for possessing it but I was also burdened by its presence – I began to question whether I could brave the next portion of my journey…what if I fell out?  What if I somehow ruined the raft?  What if I never even found the ocean?

I stopped again and sat down.  That woman must have been right, I’d agreed with what she’d taught me in our short time together, I appreciated her experience and point of view.  Her facts were evidence-based, her methods were tried and true, I trusted she knew how to navigate these lands-

But –

I wasn’t at the ocean yet.

That wasn’t my journey, not my path.

I was behind her and that was okay with me.  I had so much to figure out about where I actually was, there was plenty to take in, enough to fear and overcome…I couldn’t hold on to this raft for the next leg of my journey when the current one was so demanding.

I put my head down and closed my eyes.  I’d had to fight so hard just to get to where I was.  I couldn’t let this impede my movement.  I’d promised myself to move, always, no matter what…to rid myself of any obstacles that slowed me, to learn to adjust to those which I could not remove.

I could remove this raft.

It was meant to save my life but at the time it was decidedly a burden.

I untied the raft.

I continued.

Now there was no weight, I was lighter, I moved more easily, as before.  My senses returned to the keen state I’d sharpened them to, I felt ready for anything.

I knew the ocean was coming and that I’d need a life raft but I also knew that there’d been many tools I’d needed – and I’d taught myself to fashion them from what was available or to obtain them in some way.

That woman I met had the kindest intentions, I know, but that was her pace, her journey, her needs.  She’d projected them onto me because she’d wanted me to be prepared but she couldn’t have known what was in my heart, where I’d been or where I was going, or how I needed to get there.

Maybe I’d stay in the desert for a while longer.  Maybe I’m not ready for the water.  Maybe my road winds and turns back and I won’t reach the ocean when I ‘should’.  Maybe I stop on my path for years and soak in as much as I can about this place I’m at now, before I’m ready to move on.  Maybe the places I’ve been have taken such a toll on me that I won’t ever really be ready to tackle the ocean, maybe I’ll stay here until I feel that exhaustion hearts feel before they claim their final rest, and I’ll lie here and sleep and I will go into my rest dreaming of the ocean.  That would be okay.  That would be fine with me.

My children know of my journey.  They know where I fear to tread and they know that they do not have to fear.  I am making the headway for our family line, not just for myself.  I don’t have to change everything about myself on this one journey; I need to plant the seeds.  As I walk I drop them from my hand so that my children and others may find them when they start on their paths.

I may not live to bear the fruit of my labor but my children, many children, will be here.  They will see what we’ve planted and if we are raising them to, they will continue our work.  I don’t have to do it all, I cannot do it all, I need strength for myself to pass onto my children.

We have important messages to share – about breastfeeding, natural living, intentional parenting, circumcision, bonding, empathy, peaceful parenting, human rights, and much more.

But please remember that we are all on our own journey, on our own time, with our own experiences that have shaped us.  Our truths may not ring true to everyone we speak to, especially when the rest of the world shouts that what’s ‘normal’ is best.

We are sharing tools with others but how can we know when they are ready for our tools?  How can we know where they are on their journey if we aren’t talking to them?  Meeting someone along a path is not a good enough basis…we must walk alongside them.

That’s what I’ve decided to do.  I turn back on my path to join others on theirs, often – and I go empty-handed.  I go to teach and to share, but I mostly go to provide companionship.

I turn and I see a woman traveling with her head down, and I know she’s unaware of what we’re up against.  That’s okay.  I don’t need to tell her about it just yet.  I can just walk with her.  I won’t tell her about the desert she will face, although I know it so well, because I don’t want to overwhelm her.  I just want her to feel less alone and more accepted.

Maybe she won’t listen to all of what I say or hell most of what I say.  Maybe she won’t decide to breastfeed or agree that children don’t need reward charts.  But maybe she’ll hear what I’m saying, and it will be stored with her for when she does need it – when she’s on the path for her, when she realizes she is ready to grab that tool and apply it.

She has to identify it; I cannot do it for her.  I am on my own path and mine is markedly different.  I can’t force my judgment and experiences on her life.  I have found my truths because I was allowed to walk and wander and I searched and knew what I needed, and it was easily identifiable to me because of the time I spent wanting.

Maybe my truths will never fit her life.  But as I continue to walk with her, merely for companionship, I am all the while planting my seeds.  I never stop dropping them from my hands even when I am on someone else’s path.  I plant seeds along their roads for their children to find, too.  I trust that if these children are raised by parents who are happy and supported, they will grow to be the change we need in the world – and I don’t only mean cloth-diapered, exclusively breastfed, worn, intact children.

We say that children who are happy grow to want others to be happy.  We say that parents who are happy raise happy children.  We tend to forget that in our advocacy.  When I speak to someone now I feel my goal is to show this mom she’s supported, she’s understood and respected, she’s loved.

If all mothers felt this way, I honestly feel they’d be more open to discussion.  And that even when they disagreed they’d be more inclined to view our ideas and our community favorably.  It’d be tougher for the mass media to paint us as hippie peace freaks whose children have no rules and little respect.  We’d be regarded as just moms, moms sharing information because we care for other moms.  And even when the adults disagreed maybe the children, the people with the power to enact future change, would be more exposed to our message and they’d see their parents talking to us and walking with us and they may think – “Maybe they’re on to something.”

That’s what I hope for my kids.  I can’t do all the things I know are most beneficial for my family but I hope that my children will see what I’ve started, take my ideas and my dreams, and build on them.  Find my path and take their own detours, plant their own seeds.

Other children can as well.  Maybe their parents aren’t ready but the children are the hope – they can be influenced by our kindness now.

There are numerous reasons why someone might not be open to what we share.  That doesn’t mean we have failed them or ourselves or our world or our babies.  They are on their own journey.

We should be careful of burdening others with our message.  Not that we must shy away, or never speak the truth, just that we should remember that greater truth – to treat others as we wish to be treated.  To support others as we wish we were supported.

The hostile ones aren’t going to listen either way, unless and until they have a reason to.  If we sour them to the ideas of our message, we may harden their hearts to ever accepting it, as I see happening so often.  These are the people whose children will come to regard us as pushy, crazed, and simply mean – and that is what they’ll take with them along path, that is the message they’ll spread.

We need to be patient.  We need to remember we are all human; we are all on our own journey.  I have privileges on my path that are not afforded to many others; it would be unfair of me to judge them based on what I am able to do.

Please keep your life raft until that momma needs it.  Please do not burden her even as you’re attempting to ‘save’ her.  Please understand that she isn’t you, she doesn’t believe everything you believe because she hasn’t had the same opportunities or experiences as you.

And please understand what we are up against – a fast-paced, pleasure-filled, excess-fest of material and sex and money and media and propaganda.  Society.  We are fighting a well-funded, superbly operated machine.  We have to be gentle to show others that this is not what matters.

We need to speak out.  We need to share.

Sometimes though, it’s too soon.  Please keep your life raft until that momma needs it.  Just walk with her, look over, smile at her.  She knows you’re there, she knows you’ve been down this road.  She will trust you if you allow her to.  She will seek your knowledge when she reaches that ever-shifting ocean, she will turn to you and say, “I am ready now, I need that raft.  I am so glad you were with me.  Thank you.”

“When dealing with the immature, we need to win their hearts to open their minds to our influence.” ~Gordon Neufeld

If you strap them down too much, which their little bodies are not designed for, they may need help strengthening those muscles which is where tummy time came in, which their little bodies are not designed for. It is an artificial solution for an artificially generated problem.

It is a matter of balance, and understanding that what may be part of our modern life may not actually be healthy for babies. Yes, we have to use car seats but for the shortest possible duration.

If a baby is carried and left to roll on the floor unrestricted tummy time is not needed. Introduce extended time in an artificial device like a car seat or stroller and all of a sudden we are introducing another modern/unnatural practice (tummy time) to compensate.

Break out the carriers and floor time! Dont strap them into a car seat and leave them to sleep in it for hours. We cannot expect them to spend hours strapped into a stroller and car seat and not be at risk of physical symptoms, whether that be underdeveloped muscles or a flat head. They simply arent designed for it. We may have to use car seats, and strollers to some extent, but balance balance balance. Babies are designed to be held, carried or to be able to moved freely.

There is often a deeper knowledge and reasoning behind the memes we post

References:

http://www.thehealthybackblog.com/chiropractic/643-babys-spinal-development-2/

http://www.naturalposturesolutions.com/about/articles/the-problem-with-car-seats-strollers/

http://www.marklevine.ca/Mark_Levine/Research___concern_specific/Entries/2008/4/10_Car_Seats_and_Flat_Head_Syndrome_files/Car%20Seats%20and%20Flat%20Head%20Syndrome.pdf

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/stroller-safety/MY02042

http://onyababy.com/blog/2012/09/babywearing-baby-positioning/

Childhood magic is such a special gift. Kitty, who is now 9, still feels great excitement when she discovers that the fairies have left her a silvery message on a leaf in her garden. She delights in a pearly dewdrop left behind by Mother Moon. These whimsical thoughts dwell in her childhood imagination and I know that the magic they spark will live in her heart long after she knows that it was only the snail who left behind a slimy trail and condensation that left the dewdrop. In today’s fast paced world, I believe it is more important than ever to protect and nurture this magic in our children’s lives.

Our Fairy Gardens have been wonderful for my children in so many ways. Kitty and her brother Teddy, who is 6, delight in making their fairy gardens each year. They spend hours playing in them through the Spring and Summer months and into the Autumn too. They are out in the warm sun and breathing in the fresh air. They are working with soil and moss and stones. They are being creative. They are learning about gardening and noticing how the plants in their gardens change over time. They are taking on responsibility as they water and weed their magical spaces.

We have made many beautiful Fairy Gardens over the years. Here are a few photos of some of them…

And, some more…

May you have so much fun in your Fairy Gardens this Spring and Summer,

Blessings and magic,

Donni (and the Fairies)

Donni Webber : I am mom of two sunbursts of joy, wife, crafter, knitter, gardener, photographer and traveler. Come and join us on our Waldorf inspired blog, The Magic Onions, where the wonder of childhood and the magic of nature collide to make each moment a precious gift. www.theMagicOnions.com

1)      Commit to no hitting or other physical expressions of anger or frustration, and let that be your starting point, the line in the sand that you absolutely won’t cross. Just like in marriage, if you don’t make a commitment, there’s nothing to keep you from straying back into old patterns.

2)      Rethink your parenting role and move from trying to force or manipulate or plead or coerce or use any other tactic to try to control your child’s behavior and instead build a desire in your child to cooperate because they trust you to make good decisions and to want them to be happy and safe. Do that by taking all of that energy that’s been going into trying to control their behavior (external controls) and focusing it on trying to build your connection and modeling the behavior you want to encourage (building internal controls).

3)      Examine what you’re modeling. If right now you are insisting on your own way and reacting emotionally with anger and power-plays to your child’s lack of cooperation, what are you modeling? Stubbornness and lack of emotional regulation (i.e. adult-style tantrums). If, instead, you connect with your child, engage them in creative problem-solving, and work together with them toward a resolution to whatever issue you’re having, what are you modeling? Compromise, resourcefulness, and cooperation. Definitely worthwhile life lessons!

4)      Keep working on you. Remind yourself that it’s your emotions and experiences and expectations that are causing your outbursts, not your little one’s behavior. Ask yourself why you’re so upset. Let yourself explore your inner triggers. Work through that internally instead of reacting to it externally.

5)      Choose a touchstone in a color that will help to keep you grounded, something to look at or hold on to when you feel yourself slipping back into old thinking and behavior patterns. It could be a necklace or bracelet or keychain in a color that captures the essence of the parent you want to be to help you stay focused as you work your way toward becoming that parent. Colors have psychological implications, so some good choices might be blue which is the color of peace and trust; turquoise which is the color of communication; pink which is the color of unconditional love; or magenta which is the color of harmony. You can also place the color around your house as a reminder of the peaceful home you’re trying to create and as a symbol of change and renewal to help you remember to stop and breathe and think before responding to your child.

Remember, it’s a huge change to go from demanding obedience to inviting cooperation, and if you are already in an adversarial pattern with your child, that process will take extra time and patience. And keep in mind that no parenting ‘works’ to change a child into an adult or into a perfect little puppet. Children are imperfect humans being raised by imperfect humans in an imperfect world, after all! But shifting your thinking from expecting, or demanding, obedience to working with your child to understanding them and connecting with them and inviting them to cooperate (i.e. Instead of “If you don’t put your dinner dishes in the sink, you won’t get ice cream for dessert” try “Let me know when your dishes are in the sink so I can get your ice cream for you.”) is the first and most important step toward a gentler style of parenting and a more peaceful home.

*Having gentle parenting tools ready and available in your ‘toolbox’ will go a long way toward helping you to stick to your commitment to be a more gentle parent. Here are some links to practical alternatives to punishment:

Practical, Gentle, Effective Discipline

12 Steps to Gentle Parenting

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L.R.Knost is a parenting and children’s book author and founder and director of Little Hearts/Gentle Parenting Resources, an online resource for gentle parenting education, articles, and research. Books by L.R.Knost include Two Thousand Kisses a Day: Gentle Parenting Through the Ages and Stages, the first in the Little Hearts Handbook gentle parenting series, and the Wisdom for Little Hearts and soon-to-be-released Grumpykins children’s picture book series available from Amazon and other major retailers.